Kidding. Not sure if anyone looks around here anymore but I am back in the mood to write and what better place to do so than my blog?
Let's talk about 2010. This new year has been something else, and it's only six days old. Towards the end of 2009 I was really looking forward to just getting rid of the crap year that it had turned out to be and looking forward to new goals. Then 2010 came rolling in and I was stuck in a pretty deep depression. I didn't wake up for the first two days of this year. You mothers know how terrible that really is. Patrick was home and spent time with Cade, so I just slept. I didn't want to be awake and face anyone. I was worried that the new year would bring bad things, really just more of the same from '09. So I wallowed in self-pity and fear like any strong woman would. Ha!
Finally, on Monday, I started to come around. Mind you, I still hadn't showered since last year and we were on day 4, but I got outside and saw the sunshine and started to get a little more perky. And what brought this on? An amazing talk with Patrick.
See, for the last couple months it has been pretty much decided that Cade and I were moving to Nashville in June and leaving Patrick here to run his continually growing photography business. That inevitably meant divorce. While it seems like we've been heading that way for the majority of our marriage, I couldn't help but dread it. I really like this guy! And I like our family unit. Patrick is a kind man who cares about us, though he really sucks at showing it, and while I still foster concerns over whether or not we can succeed at life together, my desire is to do so. On Monday, Patrick sat down and talked with me about my plans to move. He made it clear that he truly wants to go to Nashville with us when the time is right, but that the right time is not this June. We need more time to build savings so that when we get there we are self-sufficient and don't need my parents to help us in any way. Patrick wants to show my family that we are not the worthless losers that we have appeared to be over the course of the last seven years. This was all news to me. He has been talking about 10-year plans with his partner in town here and rolling his eyes or grimacing any time I spoke of schools or houses in the Nashville area. He had made it pretty clear in the past that if I wanted to live near my family (which honestly I couldn't manage without) I would have to do it without him. Suddenly, after he had a couple days of deep reflection, he came to me with the news that he wants to move there after all. And he is willing to do what he has to with his business, whether that is leaving it behind or commuting for events. Big. Very big.
So, we sat down on Monday and set up a plan to direct funds into a savings account specifically for Nashville (moving costs, house down payment, etc.) and the plan is to move in June 2011. I certainly hope that this works out for us as I know it is the best thing for our family. While I don't know how I will survive for more than a year without my mom/best friend 1.5 miles away from me (they are putting their house on the market this month and heading that way), I will be interested to see myself grow by relying less on her. That means I have to spread my wings.
And that has been set into motion as well...the wing-spreading. More on that tomorrow. For now, I'll leave you with the knowledge that I am finally excited and looking forward to the future. You may be able to tell by my lack of writing that I have been able to gather nothing more than pure apathy towards life for quite some time, so this is big news. Now...to sustain.