And what did I do for my mother, you may ask? Very little! Because funds are tight I simply got her a good bottle of wine and a card. We all went and hung out with them, but I didn't really do it up the way we used to. It wasn't a day all about me. It was about her too.
And to add to my guilt, it really hit me that perhaps my husband is having a hard time with the day anyway. You guys will probably want to kick me in the shin for being such a selfish idiot when I mention this part. Four years ago this month my husband's mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 terminal cancer. Five weeks after her diagnosis she had died. He was very close to her and yet, to this day, we still do not mention her in our house. It is something he just is not able to touch. So, I would assume that on Mother's Day, he has his own issues to deal with. Yet there I was laying on the guilt trip. Bitch.
The only thing I have to be grateful about is that I can look at myself and see these flaws. I'm thankful that I am not one of those people who act this way throughout life and wonders why those around them are miserable. I have a lot of making up to do with Patrick 2.0. This new version of my husband deserves a lot more respect than what I was used to showing the old version and I have to remember that.
And Libe, you are absolutely right. You shouldn't force anyone to celebrate a holiday with you. Of course the ideal is that it is not forcing, it is something that they want to do. All things considered surrounding this day, I am going to make a point to celebrate my mother from now on and let the rest be.
I really hate it when my flaws are so glaringly obvious. I so wish that I would grow up already and be the composed, graceful woman that I want so badly to be.
You are allowed to complain and be grateful. Don't beat yourself up. xx
ReplyDeleteA couple things.
ReplyDelete"Patrick 2.0" = hur hur hur...funnnnyyyyyy.
I AM THANKFUL that I see my flaws too!!!! And you shouldn't hate that your faults are so glaringly obvious, I think they're glaringly obvious to YOU because you have the amazing gift of IN*SIGHT. You can see inside, you can see yourself.
And so likewise, it'll be glaringly obvious to us because you show them to us. The important thing here isn't that you made a mistake, it's that you saw it and tried to better from the start. The good thing is, you have an entire year to work on it. ;)
But you have it right. Mother's day is about our MOTHER. Not about us.
Granted.......I'm not a mom, so I probably can't understand the full grasp of it. Either way, there wasn't one second where I thought anything even remotely negative towards you.
xoxo
Libe.